Peace

This time of year there is a lot of talk about Peace. The last couple of weeks have been such a mix of emotions but one that sticks out is Peace.  When I think of peaceful I think of still water on a glass like lake, so peaceful and quiet. A baby sleeping. Watching the sunset on a cool fall night. Drinking that first sip of coffee before the craziness of the day begins. Those are peaceful things to me... but can I tell you, this PEACE that I speak of is indescribable, it is a peace that has to be experienced in order to understand. It is truly a peace that passes all understanding. God's peace.
In the midst of those deep bellyaching cries, peace.
Tears streaming down your face, peace.
Saying goodbye once again, peace.
When we have Christ in our life and we choose to accept the change that He so lovingly brings to our life here on earth, He gives us such a peace. Does it mean that life is "good"?  No, life is life. Life hurts. Life doesn't make sense. God's peace does make sense, when you've felt it and you live with this deep peace, it makes sense.  Someone asked me this week "how do you see people hurting all the time and continue to help them, it just seems so overwhelming?"   The only answer there is to this is - GOD!
We don't like pain, it's not something we typically gravitate to but if you are living and breathing you will endure some sort of pain and heartache.  I haven't quite grasped this... God will be teaching me for the rest of my life but He's showing me there is a level of embracing the hurt and pain. To be broken for Him every day, then at the end of the day when our head hits the pillow - let Him heal you completely.
Peace.
Daily broken.
Daily healed.
Today, once again my heart was broken for a friend as she said "see you later" to her husband of 38 yrs.
Tonight, my heart is completely healed with His peace!

The problem with fear

Skydiving, swimming, bridges, glass elevators, planes, trains???  What's your fear?  What is something that has kept you from a certain area of life because of fear?  It may seem silly to other people but to you it's real, it's legit fear!  Some of us it may go deeper than for others.  For me, I could not stand for anyone to touch my feet. Goes back as far as I can remember. This wasn't just a small thing. I couldn't hang my feet off the bed, for a while I couldn't even wear flip flops for fear that something would touch my feet. If there were animals I would sit on my feet so they wouldn't lick them or sniff them. I'm really not sure where or when this started, I just remember it being a part of who I am but I've never liked it.  The fear of something or someone touching my feet would send me into a panic attack and I knew this was not a good thing. A couple of years ago I realized God was saying "give me this, let me have it...".  It was baby steps at first... being ok around animals, letting my feet hang off the bed... little things that were "victories".  Then... this last week God spoke to me in a very real way, in a way that may be difficult to explain in words but I pray you will understand.
Fear is much bigger than just someone/something touching my feet, my fear of many things has kept me in bondage. Fear of failing relationships, failed plans, pain, future, failing health, my children and their future, fear of letting loved ones down, fear of letting God down. Fear is a very weird thing, before you realize it, your life is controlled by it and you aren't sure how it gained so much control.  About 15 yrs ago I began to have panic attacks, I didn't realize that is what they were at first. My health was not the best so it was all wrapped up in a bunch of other things.  What we found was when my body was overwhelmed emotionally/physically/mentally, I began to shut down. My words would not want to come from my brain to my mouth. My thoughts were clear, I just could not get them to come out of my mouth. This has only happened a few times. Last week I experienced this to a level I had not before. While in the midst of this 4 day struggle I was grasping for scripture, motivational speakers, quotes, uplifting music... anything that would help me push through this time. God kept telling me "give me this fear". I didn't really know what he was talking about but I said ok.  On the 4th day, God chose to heal me, not just "oh, I feel better", I mean HEAL ME! I'm blessed to have a husband who prayed with and over me. We experienced this together! I immediately wanted to have a forever reminder. Something tangible, something I would have to face a BIG fear so that I could say "look what God has done in my life!!!!".  I know to some, this will not make sense and that's ok... your journey looks different, it's ok.  I took a big leap and decided to get a tattoo on my foot. I'm not a tat person, haven't ever had the desire to get one. Extra money, pain... no thank you. This time... it had to happen! It was a declaration!

Is 41:10 "do not fear for I am with you. Do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand"
II Tim 1:7 "God has not give us a spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind"
Ps 94:19 "When anxiety was great within me your consolation brought joy to my soul"
Is 43:1 "but now, this is what the Lord says 'FEAR NOT, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine."
Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go"
Ps 34:4 "I sought the Lord and He heard me and delivered me from all my fears"

My mom went with me to get this tattoo. She's awesome, she held my hand and fanned me with my shoe when I thought I was going to throw up. She's awesome!  We were done and checking out and she said "do you want to go skydiving?"  I very quickly replied "no, I'm good... not a fear I feel I need to conquer"  :)

Just Do It... wait, I think someone else said that....

When a friend told me about a 31 day challenge to write a blog every day in October I thought "sure, no problem". I take commitment seriously and I'm sad to say I did not in fact make it in writing EVERY day. I even missed the very last day.  It was very tempting to just let it slide by and ignore the fact that I had this last post that I did not submit but....  I'm a rule follower and things bother me so.... here it is.

This challenge was more of a challenge than I anticipated (isn't that just how it goes most of the time).  I mentioned before how I'm an event/occasion blogger. I try to steer clear from just posting random thoughts because honestly, they are quite scary even for me. I found myself typing out things and then deleting which makes me SO SO THANKFUL for the delete option :)  It's been quite a learning experience!  I did not stick to what I originally thought I would cover which were the many hats of a mom, but... I'm ok with that. I've never done this before so now I know if I choose to do it again I will prepare better and pick a specific topic that will keep me on target.

Maybe now I can keep up the blogging but more like once a week vs every day.

Ps 28:7 "The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart exults, and with my song I shall thank Him"

Faith like a child (haha ok... that's funny...)

Do you remember when you were a kid? I remember some... not a whole lot for sure. Mostly talking, I've been told that I talked... A LOT!  One thing I don't remember is being worried. Just seemed life went on. Today, I was blessed to spend time with a friend and her kiddos. It was a great reminder of a few things...

Be brave when you fall down. Get back up and be excited about it.

Find the beauty in the little things.

Take time to study God's nature, be amazed.

Swing high!

Don't be afraid.

Protect what can't protect itself.

Drink from the water feature when you're thirsty :)

Don't blink.

When you have the choice, take the long way.

(I had an epic picture of a bridge in the woods that we saw today BUT... technology is not my friend right now... use your imagination)  :)

A little of this, A little of that

After a busy day (most of it with my taxi hat on) Micah and I decided to watch Lilo and Stitch. I do think that is the weirdest movie ever but we like it :)  We had to do the divide and conquer thing tonight. We are down a vehicle and at this point all 4 of us are going in different directions. I literally had to write out who was getting who from where last night because it wasn't making sense when I was telling the boys. 

Looking back on today I see God's hand in so many areas...

God woke me up.

I joke about not being a morning person but I'm grateful every morning He wakes me up and I'm blessed to have a warm cup of coffee to jolt my brain into action. My very sweet, loving, understanding and amazing husband brought me my coffee.

God blessed me with my husband.

He gets up every morning and goes to a job that is not exactly easy and stress free. He loves us unconditionally.  Over 21 yrs of marriage and I'm still learning. He is the love of my life!!!

God gave me 2 amazing boys! 

I adore them and all their messes!  ok... maybe not all their literal clothes messes but I love THEM!!!!  They are 100% boys! With that comes challenges of course but... I'm full out mom and with that comes challenges. We do life together and I'm blessed beyond measure!!!!   They worked with me today to get everyone where we needed to be and we did it!  

God gave us food.

Micah and I sat and ate 2 meals together today. As they get older and I see them less and less, these times become extremely special. We may or may not have danced in Moe's :)  

Zeus.

Ya know, I never considered myself a dog person but this dog... NATE'S dog... he's a MESS!  He is so content to just be with us. We were laying here watching the movie and he crawled up on his bed (the ottoman) and got as close as he could to me. He's been right there the whole movie.  He just sighs with contentment haha  Wow! I can learn from him... just be still, enjoy the company and sigh with relief :)  

God blessed me with friends.

A friend and I went for a walk today and it was so nice to catch up and soak in some sunshine. We both have been vitamin D deficient the last few days. Actually, this week God has sent a few friends my way and it's been such a timely encouragement!!! He knows our needs!!!  

I love my little God-given, messed, up, crazy, awesome and wonderful family!  

I'm sitting here snuggled up to the dog (because my hubby is on his way home from karate) and I'm listening to Micah play the guitar. One of my favorite things to do!  

Lots of little God moments spread throughout the day. 

I'm thankful.

He makes all things beautiful!!!!!

I thought you were...

Have you ever met someone and then after getting to know them better they say something like, "When I first met you I thought you were..."? Now, I'm not sure if this is good or bad but I seem to have this happen more times than not. I've gotten "I thought you were stuck up", "I thought you were one of THOSE people", "I thought you were a flirt", "I thought you were a flake".  I guess this is meant to make me feel better????? See, it is most definitely my goal in life to make the worst first impression EVER LOL  Apparently this is one area I'm succeeding in. I am admittedly not the best at relationships but I LOVE people. I'm one of those who has no relational skills but calls themselves a people person :)  Yep, I've had someone say "at first, I thought you were annoying"  as to say "now, you're just slightly annoying"???  hhhmmm  Does everyone do this??? No, just me??? well... ok then :)  At first this made me self-conscious and I tried to back off when meeting someone.... oh, who am I kidding... I've never been able to back off. This is the problem... I can't handle people feeling not liked, alone, awkward... etc.  So what do I do, I place myself in that terribly awkward position of well... being the weird one :)   Can I give some non solicited advice?  well, I'm gonna give it anyway...  don't do this!!!!  Don't set people up... give people a chance before you label them.  If you get to know them passed the "hey, how's it going" stage then by all means... label away :)

Now, if you meet me and assume I'm not a morning person then you are oh so correct my friend :)

Rain boots, blue and firetrucks

There have been times when I've been known to say "why do we even have special days?".  Special days are amazing until tragedy happens and then sometimes it can become a time of dread.  Birthdays and holidays are meant to be spent with family so when we no longer have them our hearts seem to ache even more on these special days.

Today is little Micah's birthday. He would be turning 7 yrs old today. Little Micah went to heaven last year in a car accident. The Brown family was forever changed. Even though I don't get to see them very much I pray for them every day. On days like today, I pray for them even more!  I can't begin to understand what they are going through but I know we have a big God with big arms to hold us all in our time of deepest despair. They hold on to hope and encourage those around them to do the same.

Yesterday, we were walking a neighborhood yard sale, I had been praying for the Brown's as they celebrated little Micah's life.  We met a family and were talking to them, I saw a sweet little pair of rain boots. Little Micah loved rain boots and wore them all the time. I bought the little boots and held them tightly as we walked around the neighborhood. Today, I wore my rain boots and a blue shirt. Micah's favorite color was blue. So many people around the world pray for the Brown's every day!!!! Hang on to hope!!!

Hebrews 6:19 "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure"

Fall

It's been a full but lovely fall day.  My heart is once again pulled in many different emotional directions. God is so good to still my heart and give me peace! Tonight, I was blessed to record some practice tracks with Micah. Singing soothes my soul. Listening to Micah play the guitar is such a joy. Putting them together blesses my heart and fills my momma cup full on up!!!!

As I was contemplating the day, my mind began to think of all the things I love about fall. We have the most beautiful trees in our yard.  They literally make me smile. I just stare at them and smile! God's creation is so amazing!!! One season ending, another beginning.  I love fall!!!!

Pumpkins on front porches.

Leaves falling in the cool air.

Long drives with no destination.

Baking in a warm kitchen while watching the dreary day go by.

Sipping coffee and watching the autumn colored leaves fall.

Scarves and boots (that are apparently made for walking).

Curling up with a blanket and hot tea.

Hot chocolate.

Chili and all things crockpot.

Apple crisp.

Cotton fields. I LOVE cotton fields!!!!!

Long walks.

When I was younger we went to six flags quite a bit. They had the best apple cider. I remember being cold and drinking a warm apple cider, the smell was amazing! It's amazing to me the few things I do remember are usually attached to smells :)  Happy Fall Y'all!

Maybe tomorrow...

After 3 attempts of writing, I've decided to try again tomorrow.

I've had a headache for a few days and it's making it difficult to think clearly (not like I think clearly without a headache haha)

Tomorrow is a new day!

Redeemed

Some days blogging just comes out, some days it's quite a struggle. I find it easier to blog about a specific event vs just "life".  Let me give an "event" - I won a cd (along with MANY other ladies) at a ladies meeting tonight. They told us to go up front to get our prize but I had just opened my chocolate so... I took my chocolate with me because well, one doesn't leave chocolate behind. I get almost up there and I dropped a big chunk of my chocolate, what to do, what to do???  Even though I seriously wanted to use the 5 second rule, I did not. I politely placed it in a napkin and threw it away. So sad :(  I don't cry over spilt milk but I most definitely cry over wasted chocolate ha

Tonight I had the blessing of going to a ladies meeting with a friend. This was no ordinary meeting... as a matter of fact, I don't think I've been to one quite like it. These ladies were real with their stuff/issues/baggage.  We all have a story and most of the time it's quite messy. It's so easy just to assume that we are the only ones who are messed up and we just keep it to ourselves.  Once you realize the reality of life and when you see someone breathing you can guarantee they have stuff/issues/baggage. I was so encouraged and blessed by their testimonies tonight. They are in different stages of their journey but the resounding song was "don't go it alone", "don't be afraid to ask for help".  

God is in the redeeming business!

Redeem - to gain or regain possession in exchange for payment

He has paid the price! We can live victoriously!!!  Free from the chains that once bound us!!!  

Hallelujah! Praise the Lord!

ok, my shout'n party is over and I'm going to BED! Praise God for a new day, I'm ready for fresh new mercies and some amazing COFFEE!!!!  ooohhh and tomorrow is FRIDAY!!!!  *happy dance*

A forever day

Today was a full day to say the least. As a matter of fact, I caught myself thinking that this morning was yesterday. There were many moments that I tried to let soak in and place in my ever forgetful memory bank. Moments of frustration followed closely with shear joy followed by some disappointment followed by sunny happiness!

What's your passion? Everyone has one, what's yours? What do you dream about? What is it you want to do/be when you grow up? I'm not sure I can answer that... I so admire people who can though. For me, I have lots of interest. Today, on a trip to one of my favorite places in the world, we met a lady with a PASSION! We had already seen a beautiful wedding, drank coffee while sitting on the dock, talked to a couple of fishermen, helped an older gentleman get his fishing line untangled. Then... on our walk back we met a lady meandering along the path while she lovingly shuffled her rosary beads from hand to hand. I said "are you enjoying this beautiful day?"  she said "this is a forever day, I wish it would last forever". As we talked with her, it didn't take her long to share her passion for saving the unborn. She bubbled with her desire to save these babies. She began to give us some history stories mixed in with some stories of her own life. She was so encouraging to me... how dare I EVER say "I'm too old".  

It was such a joy to chat with her a bit... oh... her name - Joy. 

Oh, interesting info - I was with my friend Joy :)

I see what you did there God... thank you!!!!!  

*** crickets ***

My tank is empty.

I got nuth'n.

I'm sitting at an intersection where every emotion meets up and they are all having this lively conversation trying to do decide whose turn it is.

Not sure who is going to win yet so... I'll get back with ya...

Tradition

Do you have traditions? Everyone has individual traditions, family traditions, holiday traditions. I think it's a way for us to remember, to connect our memories and our emotions. We have this "remember when..." moment and we connect, we cry... at least I cry :)  My youngest man-child just so happened to pick cinnamon rolls to be his birthday breakfast tradition.  Guess what I was doing at 6:30 this morning?  Drinking coffee of course because I was about to make cinnamon rolls haha.  We had some potatoes left over from yesterday's yummy lunch so I scrambled some eggs and made a breakfast skillet. Breakfast is definitely the way to his heart. He LOVES breakfast!

After our yummy breakfast, Nate had school then a trip to the gym, home for b-day cake #2 and a birthday trip to guitar center. Once again I soaked it all in! Another birthday, another chance to celebrate life!


We finished the day by having dinner at Newks.  Micah had to work so it was just the three of us. All in all a great day of celebration!

Now... no. more. cake. My body does NOT do well with sugar/yeast/gluten and I have WAY overdone it the last few days. I'm officially on cleanse mode!!!

Ps. 145:3-5 "Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised; and his greatness is unsearchable. One generation shall praise thy works to another, and shall declare thy mighty acts. I will speak of the glorious honour of thy majesty, and of thy wondrous works."

Oh what a difference 17 yrs can make

What were you doing 17 yrs ago? Me, I was trying to figure out how in the world we were going to take care of TWO little rambunctious boys.  Trying to sleep but not being able to because I was so anxious and HUGE! I spent a big majority of my pregnancy sick, the last 3 months I was on bed rest. In and out of the hospital 7 times. It was quite a stressful time. In all that... I was so excited to get this baby boy HERE and to see who he looked like. What will his personality be?

When I was pregnant with Micah, we lived in Jeff's parent's place. This little step stool was calling out to be painted. Of course the theme of the decade was "Noah's Ark". I painted this "two by two" never dreaming I would have two boys within the next 2 yrs. What a blessing God has given me. Tears? Yes. Pain? Yes. Stress? Yes. All of the love, laughter, happiness and all around awesomeness outweighs any heartache. I couldn't understand how I could love another child as much as I did Micah. It was evident that many others had done this but I just couldn't wrap my brain around it.  I'm so thankful God grants us an abundance of love... it multiplies for our children!!!

I still have no clue how to be a mom but one thing I tell my boys all the time is "I'm here!". Good, bad, ugly... I'm here!  Happy Birthday Eve Tator!!!!!

God, it's Yours... Again

Just pretend it's yesterday....

We had the typical day yesterday, ya know... the one that comes before a big storm?  Even when you know a storm is actually going to be good, it will produce rain, cooler temps, beautiful fresh new air, there is still prep to do. If you don't prep then you will have trash everywhere, broken patio umbrella... etc...  We are getting ready for our youngest man-child's 17th b-day party. Yes, it's fun and yes, I thoroughly enjoy it. There's a bit of chaos with any kind of prep. Actually, I prefer big events because it makes me get things done that I normally don't put priority. This last week I set out to do a few projects that were finished up yesterday, thankfully. Then there's the yard prep, the detail cleaning, the moving of stuff.... it's all good stuff but naturally, it brings a level of exhaustion.   As I've learned not to get stressed with things like this because they always turn out fine, I do tend to think too much haha. As I was thinking, I realized... I think too much :)  There's a Lauren Daigle song "Once and for All".  Music is my souls emotion. Music speaks what mere words cannot.

God I give You all I can today
These scattered ashes that I hid away
I lay them all at Your feet

From the corners of my deepest shame
The empty places where I've worn Your name
Show me the love I say I believe

Oh Help me to lay it down
Oh Lord I lay it down

It seems each time I lay something down, I want to pick it back up. Why? I mean, I know it's much lighter without it, I know what I "should" do... oh Paul, how you speak my language.  

Oh let this be where I die
My Lord with thee crucified
Be lifted high as my Kindom's fall
Once and for all

Don't get discouraged if you once again picked up a burden or habit that you've laid down so many times. Do it again... start fresh!  Give it to God, Once and for All!!!!  He's worthy!!!!!

Making memories

You know those memories you want to place in a bottle, put a lid on it and then take it out whenever life feels too hard and overwhelming?  Well, yes I do realize we have this newfangled thing called "recording" but I mean a memory that can't be recorded. One that means so much you're not sure a camera could capture the meaning.

Tonight was a night when a concert was not just a concert. A drive was more than a drive. Tea at his new place of employment was more than just "tea". We made memories... our lives have changed quite a bit over the past year. As I've found our time together is less, I've actually realized... it's more. It's more on purpose, it's more special, it's with the intent of enjoyment.  I'm learning more and more what my mom feels like. How she felt when I flew the coupe without a second thought. How much time means to her even though I'm grown and have kids of my own. It's love. Love that can't be explained with any amount of words. When you love someone, time with them is so precious!

Micah and I had a great opportunity to go to a local concert this evening. It was just a guy and his guitar. Trust me... nothing else was needed. He was an amazing musician!  When I saw he was going to be in town, I had not heard of him so I looked up some of his music and immediately knew that Micah would love to hear him. This is not our normal type of venue but we took a chance and we are so glad we did! We thoroughly enjoyed listening to him. Not sure I can put my finger on his style... folk/blues/old country/80's... awesome is what it was. 

Lately, I've struggled to remember things... short and long term. Pretty sure it's a combo of getting older/stress/getting older but... we won't go there.  I realize what a treasure memories are. It's a mystery to me the way God has created our intricate brains. So for this moment, as I lay my head down, I will hold on to precious life God has blessed me with! I'm so grateful for a wonderful evening making memories!!!

You're committed

Hubs "wow, you're committed! why red?"
Me "well, I've always wanted a red wall"
Hubs "ok then, you have your red wall"

Not sure why I've wanted a red wall... I can take a few guesses.
Red was a no no growing up.
Red symbolizes "fun" to me.
Red is happy.
Red makes me smile.

It matches my $15 desk turned buffet that I absolutely love!
And... why not?

Yes, it may be slightly committed but... life is short. Why not commit? I don't consider myself a decorator but I like to have fun and make things homey if I can. I haven't always had the opportunity. Paint is cheap... this wall cost $3.  I did add the chalk board since I can't hang a shelf or anything that would get in the way of the doors opening. My mawmaw's cornucopia is just about too thick. Jeff did his "fix it" thing and glued it back together once again.

My philosophy is if it's cheap (or free... free is good), makes you smile and the people you live with don't HATE it... then go for it!!!!  My people just happen to be boys who are VERY easy going when it comes to decorating stuff. I used to say they didn't care but since we have lived here and I've done a few different things I've heard them say "I really like this" and "I like our house". I've been to different places around the world and every home is unique. Some have the means to decorate, and some don't. When I look at my humble home... I'm so blessed. I feel spoiled to make these little "fun" changes.  This is the first color change I've made in the house (besides the boys room which was an add-on).  There's still a couple of little things I'm going to do in the kitchen.
Overall, I'm very happy with the way it turned out.

To end this fine Thursday evening, I'd like to share a quote from a devotional book a friend gave me.
"Most people plot and plan themselves into mediocrity, while now and again somebody forgets himself into greatness." E. Stanley Jones

Coffee is made. Timer is on. Tomorrow is Friday.

at least that's over with

It was bound to happen at some point, I skipped a day. As I was laying in my comfy cozy bed about 11 last night, I realized I had not blogged. Other times I've realized this, I've gotten up and done it. Last night, not so much...  I was pretty sure at some point I would miss a day.  Now that I have, I will have to be more determined to keep going. It's the whole "oh, I already skipped one day... another won't matter" mentality that I will no doubt fight.

Last night I tried a new recipe. Sausage and lentil soup. It was more like a stew, what we call a stoup. We ate it over rice. Lentils are a great little nutritional meal and they are very inexpensive. In the past I have made them with beef tips, chicken or just by themselves with some seasoning. Over rice they are very filling and yummy!  Here's the link for the recipe. It was super easy.

http://www.acupofmascarpone.com/2013/02/lentil-and-sausage-soup.html

There are so many online options for yummy food now. I did find this one on pinterest. It's easy to adapt to your taste.  Enjoy!

Just keep'n it real...

Most of you know that God has a sense of humor. If you don't... lemme just tell ya. He does.

Yesterday, my heart was so intent on keeping my eyes focused on God. Standing firm on His promises.  Ya know.... STRONG.

Can I be real??? Well, of course I can, because this here is a blog and well... you can read it or not but I can be real if I wanna, so there.

Woke up this morning after crying myself to sleep, see I was convinced that I was the worst mother on the planet, my marriage was destined to go down the crapper, no one cared nor should they and well... I wasn't sure a new day was gonna fix it. I closed my eyes in prayer, thanking God for another day and thanking him for my pillow (something I've made a habit of... pillows are such a luxury).  When I pried my eyes open this morning I thought "welp, let's do this". Then I smelled the coffee and the fact my husband made the coffee and OH the day is going to be GOOD. THEN life hits and ya know one disagreement and I'm back in my room. THEN... it hits me. hhhmmmm wasn't I a bit like this last month about this time???  Don't you look at me like the crazy woman I am... if you can't admit your hormones play a part in your actions and decisions then... then.... well, I'm really not sure what to do with you because there's just not enough chocolate on the planet to argue with you.   Does it mean there are not legit "problems"?  No. It means we in fact have the capability of making those problems the size of TEXAS when in fact they are actually quite normal life problems. See... my intentions to stay focused and strong tend to be swayed by my ever raging female hormones. Yes, I admit it. You should too! It is not an excuse to grab the nearest broom it is a reason to call out to our God who created us and our crazy hormones (yes, that will be among my questions when I reach Heaven's shore) to help us see a little more clearly when in fact we would like to hurt something or someone.  I'm slightly older now and it is in fact throwing me through yet another loop. I've fought hormonal imbalance all my life due to endometriosis so I thought I had somewhat of a handle on this thing. Wrong. I in fact do not and I in fact will probably never have a handle on it. I've met these ladies who are all "oh, I don't ever even notice I have hormones, I just don't ever pay attention"  Excuse me, let me go get a pan of brownies and knock you on yo head... yes, you do have them and yes you do in fact spew them on those around you, the fact you don't realize it means the others around you suffer MORE!  Realize it. Embrace it.  Do something about it.  Yes, perspective is good, but sometimes it's very hard to keep perspective when you feel as though a volcano may in fact explode from the top of your head at. any. second.  Recognizing you are in this state is so important for those around you. Take a step back, breathe deep, do whatever it is you do to center yourself.  Now... I joke about eating chocolate when in fact that is NOT the best go to. More sugar will only compound the problem. Shopping will not fix it. Eating pasta will not fix it. I think everyone is so different in how they deal with it but finding that healthy balance of recognizing the problem and seeking a solution is SO important!!!!

The storal of the mory is...

If you feel like the world is ending, you have no friends, your family hates you, the dog despises you, all your plants have died and the house will NEVER EVER EVER BE CLEAN.... take a step back, take a deep breath and yes... maybe have a small piece of divine chocoloate and breathe!

It's. all. going. to. be. ok.  
<3

Clearly out of focus

When I was little I loved the Highlights Magazine. My favorite thing was to find the pages with the hidden objects. I was pretty good at it if I do say so myself :)  There was always that one object that was a tough one. Sometimes I would have to leave the page for a while and then come back.  When I would find it there would be an exclamation "I LOOKED RIGHT AT IT A HUNDRED TIMES". My lack of focus for that particular object kept me from seeing it. Other things were clearly in better view and focus, they took over.

Today, God reminded me how easy it is to lose focus. We are to keep our eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith. We are to stand strong and firm. Follow Him at any cost. Then occasionally.... something else becomes clearer, we see it so clearly and we began to focus on it to the point we lose focus of the very think our heart desires... our souls are passionate for - to see God exalted, His name glorified in whatever way He sees fit. But, ya know... this house, it needs fixing and the car... it needs fixing and the kids... they need clothes and oh, I could really use a vacation. Here's where my eyes go way to often - well they......

Oh dear Lord keep my eyes on YOU, not THEM! THEY are not my focus. Sharing your love to the broken, feeding the hungry, loving the unlovable, praying, trusting and KNOWING that YOU are worth all of my praise!!!!

This morning we had a beautiful time of worship, focusing on the intricate details of creation... oh the wonder of it all. We closed service with the song "How Great Thou Art". How I long for HIM to be my focus. The struggle is real of living this life and being IN this society/world but keeping my eyes on the Creator!!! He is worthy!!!  In the midst of hurt, pain and confusion not only do I desire to keep clearly focused on Jesus, I want to continually point others to Him!

Nehemiah 9:6 "You alone are the LORD. You made the heavens, even the highest heavens, and all their starry host, the earth and all that is on it, the seas and all that is in them. You give life to everything, and the multitudes of heaven worship you."

He deserves our praise. He is worthy of our trust. He is faithful. He is all we need.

Short N Sweet

Let me just get right to the point.

Loved seeing this new day roll in.

My love made coffee again this morning.

My baking station is still there.

Parenting is hard.

Celebrating life is fun.

God is in control - not me. Praise the Lord for that!!!!!

Sometimes I say yes to friends and then I question... what have I agreed to????!!!????? (I may have agreed to start back taking karate... maybe...) Imma be a momma ninjette :)

I saw this today... it just fits!

My hat got bigger

Today was a great day in more ways than one. Spent some time with my mom and my sister. Even though it was in a waiting room I still enjoyed hanging out with them. I came home with the intentions of finalizing plans to build a baking station. Not only did we finalize plans but we went to Lowe's, bought the stuff AND built it! I feel like my organizing hat just grew 2 sizes. I'm so in love with this hat I feel quite guilty... ok, maybe not haha We are so blessed with this house, I love figuring out the best ways to use our space. We are so grateful to have a place to figure out :)

Over the years we've lived in a few different places (um... like 14...) and most of those we rented. Of course there were limitations to what we could do. Even though I'm not much of a decorator, I do like organization which often fuels some decorating. Something I've observed in our travels. Functionality can be decorative. I've tried to decorate our sweet little house with either some that has function or something that is sentimental. We still have too much stuff even with all the constant getting rid of things haha. Keep moving forward...

Switching gears a little... I love to doodle/draw. This morning I pulled out a sketch book that I had some goals, scriptures, encouragements written in and came across this picture. Yesterday was a rough day emotionally. One thing my mom has always said "one day at a time" and when my boys were small we started adding "tomorrow is a new day". I hold on to that! No matter what the day brings, the sun will indeed come up tomorrow (even if it's cloudy and you can't see the sun... it's still there). One of my favorite verses Lamentations 3:23. His mercies are new EVERY day!!!

The sun was AMAZING today!!!!!

A Letter to Randy Travis

Hi Randy, you don't know me but I feel like I know you. I got a call from your biggest fan today. She has loved you for as long as I can remember. She has all of your albums, more of your shirts than I can count. She's been to every concert she could go to. She has to have assistance because she has Cerebral Palsy. She loves with all her heart, it's all she knows to do. When I talk to her on the phone she always gives me an update on your progress. When you have had less than ideal moments in your life, she says in her slow drawn out loving way "I hope he don't do that again". I wish you could hear her voice... she loves big! Her dad died when she was 12. Her mom passed away 6 years ago. Her grandmothers and aunts who helped raise her have all passed away. She has an amazing sister and brother and they make sure she is loved and cared for. Me... I just wish I could give her more hugs. I love her with all my heart and... I wish life was simpler so I could see her more, spend more time with her. When I go pick her up she always has her Randy CDs with her. When we would make multiple trips to visit her mom in the hospital she would play your music non-stop. I mean... I love you and all but after a while I'm ready for something different :) I never say so though... to her, you hung the moon. Even with the mistakes you've made... she doesn't care, she loves you! I know even with all the fame you have, there are times you feel lonely and unloved. Please know that my cousin Cathy loves you with everything in her and she is praying you make a full recovery and come in concert somewhere close by. Trust me, if you do... we'll be there. Even though the last concert I took her to we were in a hurry to go to the bathroom so she could get back to the seat so I was speed walking to the bathroom, I hit a bump with her walker and down we both went. I felt so bad and was so worried. I wanted to take her home but she wouldn't have it... she HAD to go back and see the rest of the concert. There will never be a more devoted fan. When you feel discouraged, please know, Cathy is cheering for you!!! She'll let me know when you are singing again :)

I will tell of His wonder!!!

Today, I had a perfectly legit rant. One that I could back up with facts. I had it all written out in my head... and it was good.

But God.

Met with a friend for some prayer time today. After she half died from coughing we moved the praying outside to get some fresh air. Thank you Jesus for this AMAZING day!!! Have you ever sat outside and just soaked in God's beautiful sun, admired the trees, laughed at the squirrels, listened to the birds beautiful songs? I was in awe! I soaked in the sun streaming through the tall trees! As we prayed, we lost track of time and my heart was at peace! I lost all need to rant. To be honest... I can't remember what my rant was about. With all the trials and struggles of this life, it's good to just stop. Breathe. Soak in His presence! We prayed and worshiped God. There are times when I feel the train has just derailed and run'n amuck down a big hill.

But God.

God in his grace and mercy says "Here, come sit with me. Visit with me. I want to spend time with you. I want to set you back on track".

A while back God gave me this verse. Jeff and I were in Hobby Lobby and saw it was 50% off. We have it hanging in our hallway. It seems daily I try to fight battles that aren't mine to fight. Today, God reminded me... be still!

The beauty in the middle of the road

Earlier today I went to pick up my son from work. As I drove in the parking lot I saw a girl in a wheel chair... in the middle of the road. There was a slight slope so I thought she might be stuck, but... there was no one else in sight. The thought did cross my mind "how did she get there?". I park the car and go over to her. I said "are you stuck?" She answered quite muddled "no, no, get'n a rose". I could barely understand her but I look over and there's a beautiful rose bush. I said "oh, you want a rose?". "yeah" she says "for my momma". I'm thinking, ok, where's mom? I asked her where her mom was and she said she was inside, all the while mumbling "I wanna get the rose, get the rose for my mom". I did get her to the side of the road at least but I was having trouble getting the rose. I'm sure that wasn't "right" to steal a rose from their bush but um... I wasn't thinking about that at the moment. Her mom suddenly came out and started spout'n off "I told you to stay over there, what are you doing? You were NOT supposed to move, what are you doing?" The girl calmly said multiple times "get'n a rose, I wanna get a rose for you". The mom had her hands full so she starts saying "come on get in the van, what are you doing?". I started pushing the girl back across the road (I tried and tried to pinch a rose off but I couldn't get it off... stubborn little thorny boogers). At this point her mom begins to holler "PICK UP YOUR FEET, you remember when you went fall'n on your head cause you wouldn't pick your feet up" So.... I slowed down a bit thinking "OH MY WORD she's gonna fall on her face". Oh ha, forgot one interesting tidbit, the girl had a cigarette and she was not "aware" enough to flick the ashes so they were all over here. How she wasn't burnt or on fire I have no idea. We did make it over to the van very slowly and carefully, and yes she drug her feet the whole way :) She kept saying "I was get'n rose, for you momma". All the time the mom was nowhere near interested in the fact her daughter was trying to get a rose for her. I did find out she had just had surgery, I had noticed her hospital bracelet but I didn't ask about it of course. I politely excused myself while hearing the girl say "I was get'n a rose for you".

At first it would be easy to get upset at this mom. How could she not see that her daughter was simply trying to do something nice for her? Why would she not appreciate the effort (trust me, it was an effort for her to wiggle that wheelchair to the middle of the road). The daughter's eyes were so fixed on this rose. She was determined! Then, I had to stop and think... what if I had a special needs child who just had surgery. This lady was obviously in this by herself. She was trying to get food while letting her daughter smoke (yeah... I know... all kinds of questions there but um.....) outside of the van. Regardless of the circumstances that led up to where she was, she was obviously a bit frazzled. I began to pray for her. I pray that God will meet her where she's at. That He will allow her at some point to stop and smell the roses. Maybe when things are a bit less hectic :)

On a personal level I begin to pray "God, please let me hear my boys hearts? I mean truly hear and feel them." So many times a disobedience or an "obvious" stupid decision makes me completely miss a precious moment. I love them dearly and I know they love me, sometimes their loving actions are in the midst of some messy life stuff. I want to see this love, feel this love, appreciate this love... why? Because I want them to know THEY are loved!!!!! They are precious! I don't want my need to discipline, teach, guide... er... control (ouch) get in the way of a precious God-given moment.

A reminder to always keep my eyes up - because um... that would have been totally uncool to hit a girl in a wheelchair... just say'n....

What would this hat look like???

Organizing. I'm not sure what kind of hat this would look like but it would be AWESOME! I'm a fan of organization although the process is sometimes a bit stressful, I always enjoy the outcome. Saturday we began an overhaul of organizing in the spare room. I decided to continue organizing and pull my winter stuff out. Of course I did... it was nice and warm today. I pulled every bit of clothing that I own out and stacked them all in their separate categories. I don't consider myself a clothes person, I'm not a fan of shopping and if asked I would probably say I'm pretty simple when it comes to clothing. After today I have to reconsider that answer. It looked like a thrift store had thrown up in my room. This was not my plan for today. My plan was to take Nate to chemistry/geometry, get my menu written out and go get groceries. Even after all these years... I attempt to make plans. Here was the problem, I got it all pulled out and got a little discouraged but I really had to do something because well... I couldn't walk in my room. After pulling all of my winter things out of the container (yay boots!) I placed all of my summer things in the container that will go up in the attic. Clothing I didn't wear (or didn't fit... but we won't go there...) went in the donate bag. It started shaping up a bit to where I could see a light at the end of the tunnel. My mom txted and asked if I wanted to walk because of course since I was putting my summer things up... it's stink'n hot outside. Mom was kind enough to come over here so that gave me time to get things almost done. I took a break and we walked probably a little over 3 miles. We didn't keep track but it was right under an hour. *rabbit trail* I love Mondays for this fact, my mom and I try to have coffee or walk every Monday. It makes Mondays amazing!!!! Ok... back on track! NOW... I get to go get groceries :) Get everything home and my awesome other half decides he and Micah should grill the pork chops, um YES! We set out cooking an amazing meal - grilled pork chops, herb potatoes, green beans and veg medley. We were missing the youngest of team thomas but he came in shortly after we ate.

THEN.... I finished putting my things away and now I'm happy to say I have less stuff and I'm more organized and it feels GREAT! It really made me think "why is this so gratifying?". I think it's a control thing to be honest. It's a situation in life that I can control. So much is uncontrollable and out of my hands. Organizing seems to simplify life for me. I breathe better. I would like to say my whole house is clean and organized... um, nope. Strangely enough, I'm ok with that. Would I like for it to be? Oh yes, I think it would be awesome but it's an unattainable expectation and I've learned I can't place my happiness on cleanliness and organization. Trust me my friends... it is so very tempting for me. I do have to remind myself quite often "it's ok... it's just stuff". But for tonight, most of my "stuff" is organized :)

I've waited all day for this

This morning was in fact a true Sunday morning. I love Sundays even though I know they come with a range of challenges and emotions. It is always worth it! This morning was no different. In my quiet time I thought "this is awesome, a blog thought before 9am". Then we head to church and God began to move in my heart and I thought "well, I just thought I knew what I was writing on...". Once again after church we had an amazing baptism service and I thought "wow, that's it!". Nope. Changed hats again in mid day and I was certain the hat and topic I was to blog about. The moral of this story... I'm not even going to try tomorrow... I'm just going to wait until 11pm and then write whatever is at hand.

Lemme explain... no, it is too much, lemme sum up.

There is a part of me who wants to be blunt and real about the tears that were shed today, the emotions felt of being a parent and friend. There's another part of me who is counting her blessings and truly doesn't want to come across as complaining. I'm in a "transition" stage which quite a few of my friends are familiar with. My kids need less and less of me... I know they will always "need" me... you know what I mean. Sometimes it becomes lonely. It's something I've been preparing for and have tried to learn from those who have walked this road ahead of me but let me just say... I'm not fairing so well. Through all of the ups and downs today, I cried, laughed and prayed quite a bit. God is faithful! My Jeffrey says "what can I do?". My answer "can tomorrow come a little faster?". You see, I know in the grand scheme of things this is a blimp, a blink, a smidgen of time but right now, my momma heart feels the apron strings untying and flapping aimlessly in the wind. Well... ya know what, I think I'll just go fly a kite in the wind, I mean... I like kites

That's it... my 5 yr old hat is on my head and I'm proud of my purple and orange polka dots :)

dia tres

A day in the life of....

Many hats were worn today and as I would like to just focus on one, I can't. Ya see... I'm tired and a bit loopy. When I get tired I get slap happy and I tend to laugh at cheesy songs sung by my husband that make no sense to me. I also find it HILARIOUS that I snore... I SNORE! He was going to go sleep in the guest room because I SNORE. This is so funny to me I was laughing tears. It wasn't just the way he said it as we were meandering down the hall as he was half carrying me because... did I mention I'm tired? It was the fact that for over 20 yrs now I've listened to him SNORE. I find this slightly ironic and although I did apologize, somewhere deep inside I'm saying "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA".

This morning my love had our coffee ready so I could get rid of this headache (hello fall). We decided today was going to be "let's find the spare room" day which required my maid and secretary hats. What is it about spare rooms that just collect "stuff" and it gets so very unorganized to the point the cat is very hesitant to go in there. Happy to say we accomplished our goal in getting rid of said "stuff". It's a work in progress but forward motion was made.

This evening Nate and I were blessed to go to a fall play my sister's niece was in which required my taxi driver hat. Time with my boy is precious to me!!! Even time spent saying absolutely nothing which... well, my youngest is a pro at but... I'm ok with that <3 Praise the Lord for protection as our car apparently hydroplaned when we were on a bridged. It scared me a bit and I heard Nate say "how bout we don't die today". Yeah... sounds good son, I'll just control this uncontrollable car :) Thankfully we stayed ON the road!!!! Saturdays I often get to wear my wife hat which I adore! Being Jeff's wife is my favorite!!! He was happy the Gators won. I'm not a football girl but I'm happy he's happy :) Here's a picture of my friends Bertha and Harold. My mother-in-love bought them for me last year (sad, she had to BUY me friends hahaha... um... yeah, I'm tired). Occasionally I put on a decorator's hat. Honestly, that one stays pretty dusty.....

Day 2....

First, let me just say that it feels very strange to be blogging 2 days in a row. I have really had to dig deep for this and... um... it's only DAY TWO! Houston, we have a problem. When I said I would do this I thought, surely I can find a topic that will allow me to connect and spew out something blog worthy... nope. I'm doing it anyway though haha I'll throw out some different things I've been thinking about...
Homeschooling
Parenting
Marriage
Missions
Coffee
Friendships
God's provision/guidance
Family

THEN... it hit me... just do all of the above, well, maybe not ALL of the above but a conglomeration (confession, I had to look up how to spell that) of at least some of them.

I'm going to call it something like "the many hats of a mad momma" no... that doesn't sound right. "mom's many hats", "what hat is mom wearing?" "where's mom's hats?" I don't know what to call it. Imma just go for it and I'll figure out a name for it later...

Hat #1
Chef
I do like this hat. It would be great to have a closet of hats that I could just go pick one up and throw it on. My boys would LOVE that ha. Cooking is one of the many things I love to do. I get pooped out though and then the kitchen is a mess and that makes me not want to cook. DO NOT like to cook in a dirty kitchen!!! My mom was/is the BEST cook. She would get up every morning and make us breakfast, make sure we had lunch and cook supper in the evenings. We very rarely went out to eat. My kitchen time is special! As my kids were growing up we spent a lot of time in the kitchen. They knew if we were in the kitchen that meant momma's teacher hat was in the closet :) Although, we did a lot of teaching in the kitchen it just never felt like it because it was fun. Lots of great conversations!!!

Here's one of our favorite foods we've had over the years

Burrito Bowls
chicken or ground beef
onion
tri-peppers
celery
can corn
can black beans
can rotel
black olives
rice

cook chicken or beef
remove from skillet and set aside
saute vegetables
add other ingredients

serve over corn chips w/cheese, sour cream and salsa
top with cilantro if desired (we always desire... we LOVE cilantro)

OHGREATGOODNESS!!! can't believe I'm clicking publish........

Challenge???

It was like I was waiting for something I didn't know I was waiting for, challenge. Even with life being full of interesting, stressful happenings, there's still this want for a challenge. I've always loved to write but I'm a spastic and emotional writer. If there is a particular situation/incident/story then I'm good to go. Otherwise, I sit and stare at a blank page thinking "how in the world to these people do this EVERY day?" Well, I'm about to find out. 31 days of blogging... this should be fun, even if I'm the only one who reads it :) There is an official page with all of the stuff that goes along with this but I think I will just see if I can actually write something for 31 days straight. Sounds crazy at the moment...

This could turn in to a topic for 31 days or just my random happenings. Yesterday, a friend came along with me to see my sister at her coffee shop (shameless plug for Little Bit of Texas in Somerville, AL). She quickly found out what it was like to have 2 teen boys who would forget their head if it wasn't screwed on. I would complain but they come by it honestly so all I could do was laugh. On the bright side, we had a few (thirty) extra minutes to talk while I was running around collecting what was forgotten. It's important to laugh. I like laughing, it's my favorite. Which reminds me... CHRISTMAS IS COMING! See how my thoughts go ALL over the place. My son is just like me, he has started explaining his chain of thoughts that lead to what would otherwise sound like a VERY random point. He said it helps his friends see he's not so random. I just say "in my head... that makes sense".

Come along with me if you'd like... I have no idea where I'm going but I'm certain it will be caffeinated and full of dancing :)

Remembering... still

Birds are singing. The sun is creeping through. It's another day, yesterday is behind us. Today seems to have different air, it's a little harder to breath. For a year, I've tried to place words on my feelings and they just haven't been there. I feel guilty just even trying to get words out. I just cry. It seems easier to not remember... will it hurt less? No, I want to remember... I want to hurt. When Jesus friend Lazarus died, Jesus wept. Not sure exactly why, I wonder with Jesus being human like we are did He have mixed emotions like I do? Even knowing the end, knowing how it all turns out... He wept. He felt deeply! I want to love like that!

A year ago today, things changed. I received a call that the Browns had been in an accident. I hadn't talked with them for a while and it didn't even matter at that time, I just got in my car and drove. I wasn't even sure where I was going. Along the way I was told Huntsville Hospital. When we arrived, we were told Little Micah had passed away. When I got this news, I was standing next to Big Micah and my heart was so overwhelmed I could not even say his name for a while. God, in your sovereignty you have given me this time with Big Micah. Who am I??? Trying to pull myself together and leaning on Big Micah's arm we went inside. Somehow it felt as though I entered a movie... from that point on it just didn't seem real. As they told Ryann about Little Micah I can't remember if they pulled me in or I was drawn in... I don't know. I just remember thinking “I shouldn't be here... I'm not who should be here”. It seems everyone was just “there”. Liz kept looking at me and saying “what just happened?” “what do we do?”. I couldn't answer her... we just cried. At some point I ended up in the room with Noelle, sweet Noelle. She wanted to hear Angel Armies. That became the theme song “whom shall I fear”. There was this part of me who wanted to just leave because “who am I to be here???” but then I was drawn to stay... like everyone else, I wanted to FIX it. I think we were escorted in the room as David and Ryann said bye to Little Micah. There was a sense of angels being there. Such pain and grief yet such unreal peace. Lots of tears, lots of hugs, lots of prayers.
“Nothing formed against me shall stand,
You hold the whole world in your hands.
I'm holding on to your promises.
You are faithful”
God. You can raise him, you can make him breathe, breathe life God. Please.
Somehow, in God's sovereignty, He didn't.
At the end of that day, Rebekah was in one room, Ryann and Noelle were in the room beside them. The next few weeks are a blur. We were at the hospital a lot, praying, crying, listening to doctors. I sat there and I think, tried to be strong... I don't know really. I remember talking to people but it seemed almost auto-pilot. I just kept thinking “how am I here? I'm not worthy to be here, they need someone who is capable”. I didn't sleep much, I don't remember being home really... I'm sure I was at some point. Every time I walked in Rebekah's room it was with great hope. Hope. It's what has sustained Ryann, it's what I hold on to.

A year has gone by. Just like that. We move on, the sun keeps coming up and life moves forward. Mixed emotions really hang over everything I do. Soaking up moments God gives me and yet praying/hurting/grieving for Ryann and the family. Not a day has gone by that I don't think of them. I can still hear Little Micah's sweet voice, he had the best voice. Memories flood in of his little boy actions. His coloring, his growl, didn't care for sand that much though. His 5th birthday, David brought him to work. It was customary for the little ones to visit my desk because I had a candy bowl. It wasn't me... just the candy :) Little Micah came in and pulled up a chair, he colored and told me all about his picture and about his day. He had this big fire helmet on, it was as big as he was. He was very proud to wear it. I sat and watched him, thinking of how fast time will go and that he would be grown like my boys one day. God had other plans.
God has shown me more and more to make the most of the days we are given. Make the best of the time He gives us with our loved ones. Enjoy the fun times to the fullest and grieve the hard times.

He gives.
He takes away.
Blessed be the name of the Lord.

BOLDLY humble

God has been stirring within me a message that I've found hard to communicate. One that I feel hits many right in the thumping gizzard. Why do we do what we do? Why are you an engineer? Why are you a doctor? Why do you paint art? What makes you choose your career? Is it a passion that stirs you?

For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a missionary on a foreign field. It is a longing inside of me that I could never explain. So far, that has not been my destiny, it's not to say that it won't be but right now... I'm a local missionary and I'm amazingly happy with that. I have learned God will take me where He wants me WHEN He wants me there. For the mean time I have been able to take some wonderfully challenging short term mission trips. We are planning trips to Peru as well. Last week this time we had just returned from the Dominican Republic. It was a great trip but just like every trip, I am processing... To be honest, there is part of me that says "why did God give me this passion and longing only to stay here in America?". Why them and not me? Well... why not? It's not about ME. It's about God doing His work, with who He wants, where He wants, how He wants. My trust is in Him! Along this journey I have questioned, I have been angry, sad, content... sometimes all in one day ha. In the end... I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that God gave me a passion for missions for a purpose and I will use it wherever that may be. Here, there or everywhere! I've had people tell me "maybe you weren't meant to be a foreign missionary... maybe that is just what YOU want". Maybe... and if that's the case then I'm ok with that. Or maybe... God is just continuing to stir in me the desire to take the Gospel to foreign lands... ya know... letting it simmer and boil and then one day BAM! it's going to explode hahaha just kidding, but I do like to dream :) Our trip to the D.R. was a time that God spoke to me in such a mighty way, it truly is hard to explain. I do feel He is getting us ready. It is a journey and we are always to be ready for that next step. Right now, we are preparing our first trip to Peru with Compassion Peru. This is an exciting time!!! We are stepping out in faith, we aren't sure what the whole picture looks like yet but we know this is the next step. "Why not just stay here?" well... I'm glad you asked... in Eph 4 Paul talks about how the body is made up of so many parts. If we all acted as the nose then how would we eat? We are all created for His glory! He made us with our passions, talents and backgrounds all to be used for His glory! Isn't that an amazing thought! Some here, some there, some to teach, some to evangelize, some to make coffee (just checking to make sure you are still there). Seriously though... can you not make coffee and do it as unto the Lord??? Yes. the answer is Yes. :)

Eph 4:2 "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love"

My prayer is that as we move forward and we pray for supporting partners we do so "boldly humble".
Boldly, knowing this is the calling God has given us.
Humbly, because we are so very humbled to be serving God in any capacity. What a great God we serve! Please pray for us!

Eph 6:12 "We fight not against flesh and blood but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world"

Why do we go? Why do we stay? All for HIS glory!!!!! Just do what He tells you when He tells you :)

You're going to need that later...

The coffee has been chugged this morning but my brain is still a little sluggish. As life moves forward it seems to just speed up. It's a challenge to keep things in perspective and keep my eyes on Jesus. I find myself praying that at every corner "God, keep my eyes on You!". Between work, kids, school, husband, church, friends, preparing for mission trip, sleep (maybe a little...) and every day living, things can get a little hectic.
Sometimes, we need to stop. and eat. at mom's house. :)
Ya see, when I go to my mom's house, I find food yes but I find love and coffee haha This past Tuesday my mom made this HUGE pot of soup for all of us, it was amazing soup but as I was looking around at what she had prepared my eyes caught this pan of... goodness.... greatness.... blueberry awesomeness!!!! dump cake! I gasped and she said with a huge grin "it's blueberry". Here's the thing about blueberry dump cake, there is NOTHING HEALTHY about it but it is the type of food that brings health to my soul. It speaks to me. This is one of the things my mom would bake when I was younger and I think I would just eat dump cake for days until it was gone. breakfast. lunch. dinner. Isn't it cool how the little things bring us back to "center". It's so simple. The love that my mom puts in to making food for us speaks so loud you can feel it! We sit down, eat, talk, laugh... eat some more... all the while, I'm soaking in every moment why? Because I know it's from God! I know God is loving on me and He's saying "Joy, soak this up... you'll need this later...".

This is how I feel when God feeds my soul. In that time of growth where He says "Here Joy, eat this, enjoy this... you're going to need this later". The last couple of days Jeff has shared a sermon series with me about prayer. It has been exactly what I've needed! I love God's timing!!! ALWAYS on time! He sends friends to speak God's goodness in to my life, right when I need it. In this hectic time of life when we are in the midst of so many changes God stills my heart. I found myself asking Him yesterday "can I just rest in You? can i just lay still?" He says "child, that's all I've wanted!"

As life moves forward, I pray that you feel His presence in whatever situation you are in. Have tea or coffee with a friend, enjoy a meal with your family... soak it up.... you're going to need that later :)

Have you ever started planning a trip? Maybe a special vacation? You begin to plan and scheme and you get so excited at the possibilities. Then 2 weeks before the trip, you get so sick you just can't imagine being able to go on this trip and your dreams and schemes just come crashing down. 4 days later low n behold – you're healed. The trip is back on! Then 3 days before you leave, you wreck your car, you are ok but your car takes money to fix... money you were going to use for your trip. One day before you leave, you get a check in the mail, reimbursement you had forgotten about. Yay! Trip is back on! When you finally arrive at this beautiful beach, so serene and majestic, you take a deep breath and think “I really never thought I'd get here”.

Isn't that like life? We plan but God directs our path (Prov. 16:9). Many years ago God placed a passion and desire in us for overseas missions. To be honest, there were times where we thought we heard God wrong. Who are we to be called to another country? Who are we to say “God is calling us...”? He has shown us, we are His children, His beloved and ultimately this journey is to know Him more. J.I. Packer stated “Once you become aware that the main business that you are here for is to know God, most of life's problems fall into place of their own accord”. We've set out on a few different adventures, God has changed our path and we questioned. We questioned our motives, our desires, our heart? Did it line up with God's heart? As we look back we see how much God has been teaching us. As we look forward we know... that is a life time journey! Our prayer is to stay humble and teachable!

Brings me to this phase of the Thomas Journey! Compassion Peru is born! Compassion Peru has been a long time com'n. We have dreamed, prayed, planned for such a time as this. God is continually leading us in the direction He wants us to go and we are forever grateful!!!!! He's teaching us to depend on no one but HIM! To keep our eyes directly on HIM! Wow, what a lesson we are still learning :) Our goal with Compassion Peru is to partner with like-minded individuals and organizations in accomplishing short term projects to achieve a long term solution for the poverty stricken areas around Lima, Peru. Just a little background – Jeff's parents went to Peru in a step of faith when Jeff was 6 wks old. He grew up there, came back to the states when he was almost 18. I call him my Peruvian blonde :) His heart for the people there is truly God-given! We are so excited to be serving along side many who have already given so much of their lives to be God's hands and feet there in Peru. God is doing great things!!!!

If you would like to stay updated we have a few options:
Facebook Page – www.facebook.com/compassionperunow (feel free to like and share)
Website – www.compassionperu.org
Blog - http://compassion-peru-update.blogspot.com/

Thanks so much for coming on this journey with us! What a blessing you are!!!!!

New Beginnings... again...

2015 - and I still don't have a hovercraft. What's with that??? It does seem a bit "unreal" for some reason. As a child we were always told Jesus would come back and we wouldn't live to see these days. Goes to show ya, we ain't in charge :) I love new beginnings, new days, it is a well known fact that I'm not much of a morning person but I love what mornings bring. Same with new years. A fresh start, a time to set and renew goals.
This year we have started out with the Daniel 21 day modified fast. I have taken time away from social networks (hmm is blogging considered a social network... oops...) as well as fasting from certain foods. We are on day 5. So far we are pressing forward. Any time one chooses to make an intentional effort to draw closer to God, there is an understood spiritual battle that will occur. Not to mention, we are depriving our bodies of all they are used to having... like... chocolate :) I have enjoyed the extra time in the Bible and reading 2 different books. I've spent more time in the kitchen which is a challenge but... that's what it's about, sacrifice and being intentional. Last night I made spaghetti squash with quinoa "meatballs". I can't say it was our favorite but one thing we've decided is this is not a time for amazing food. It's a time to be fed and be thankful. Our focus is drawing closer to God. One of my favorite memories so far has been Jeffrey eating "sawdust" as Micah called it. I attempted to make him granola bars out of food we can eat. I consider myself to have a pretty tough tongue/stomach and I couldn't swallow these things. Jeffrey somehow ate them :) This last batch I used a simple syrup made from dates which helped a ton. As they are not like our regular bars, they are definitely edible. It's been a learning time, a humbling time. A time time to focus and recharge.
Happy New Year!