Why we do what we do

When hard times come, what do we do? Why do we bake, paint our nails, wear teal, gray, blue... or any other color??? Why do we run or obsess over our health? Why do we buy people things, take them food??? Everyone deals with grief and pain differently, we all have our "go to's". I paint my nails... yes, it's frivolous and really doesn't "help" anyone BUT it helps me not bite my nails off and reminds me to pray. I bake, I love to bake and for the most part people need to eat. Some people retreat, some need to talk it out, some do both at different times (sometimes minutes apart).

With all the things going on in the world... sad, heartbreaking, horrible things... what do we DO??? See, here is where the problem is... we feel we have to DO something. WE want to feel in control. The other morning I was drying my hair and my hair dryer quit. Jeffrey says "lemme see that". He takes the end off and says "here's the problem". He cleans out all the dust and muck, put it back together and viola! My hair dryer was fixed! It hit me... we want to fix it! It feels so good to have a problem/issue and then FIX it! It's our nature! But... how do you fix a broken heart? How do you cure cancer? How do you fix a broken marriage? We can't! So then what are we supposed to do??? We sit and do nothing right, I mean, if we aren't in control and we can't fix it well then what????? This, my friends is where the fight is... do what you can, where you can, when you can and the rest... you have to let go - OUCH! That hurts just typing it out... let it go (ya got it in your head don't ya??? you're welcome) God in all His sovereignty has it under control! So do we stick our heads in the sand and pretend we are living in a fairy tale??? Well, you could I guess but all fairy tales have witches, goblins or wicked stepmoms so good luck with that too! Here's where I want to challenge (only because I'm being challenged). Why is it we look at how everyone else deals with grief/pain/heartache/life's problems as "how could they?" but continue to DO our thing? It seems there is little understanding for how we each tick. Let me say this... it's free... NO ONE ON THIS EARTH IS PERFECT!!! That means, every single one of us even though we act like we are a spiritual giant who can handle all of the world's problems and more... we can't! At some point - we are weak. At some point - we fall. I don't want you to have blinders on about me. See... when life gets hard, I don't always immediately sit down and read the Bible and seek God's face. I don't always talk to my husband correctly and love him like I should. I am not the perfect homeschool mom who always deals with my boys exactly how I should. I'm a mess... I'm a God-fearing mess. I strive with all that is in me to make the right choices and do the right things but I'M A MESS! If you can accept that then please... come join me because I am not going to think you are perfect and if you act like you are... you're lying! Can God give supernatural peace, strength and comfort??? Of course He can... I've felt it, I know it's there. I also know that no human being can live this fallen life without falling. So people out there (all 2 of you) please be gentle! Please be understanding! Facebook can be so good and so bad! I've watched how people rant and release stress, grieve, express pain... and others don't say a word but you know they are aching. Others live in their own world and they are ok with that. Why can't we have understanding???? To understand and have compassion is worth a million dollars!!!! We can't fix it! We can love!

OH... and laugh! God made laughter! I know it's hard with so much pain and suffering to find the joy in things... but they are there, trust me!
If you are having a hard time finding something to laugh about... lemme help ya...

Did you know a person could have that many chins?????
Life is short y'all! Do what you can, when you can, where you can! oh and that cliche... live, love, laugh... might hold some truth :) I hate cliches LOL

so many feelings... but God...

My flesh and my heart may fail, BUT GOD
is the strenth of my heart and my portion forever.
Psalm 73:26


Life has a way of happening all at one time it seems... or so I thought. What I've found is I really didn't have a clue what "life" could bring. We know that right... we know we have it "good" and we count our blessings yet we...well, I have a tendency to live in this "I'm so stressed, life is rough" mode. BUT I will count my blessings and be thankful while still hanging on to this "poor pitiful me" attitude.

Wake up one morning and then...
BAM

Life has now changed. The new normal is so out of reach... beyond reality and yet, it's real. ALL. TO. REAL. People deal with grief in their own way. None of them "wrong"... just different. For me, take all of those ways and combine them because on any given day I can deal with it differently. I'm just "fun" like that. Up until today I have withdrawn, not really ready to talk per say. Today, it has been a feeling of needing to write this out. Will it make it more clear? I doubt it... but maybe it will gather some prayers and show others they are NOT ALONE!!!!

A little history behind all of these ramblings...

Precious friends were in an accident on Monday. Mom was driving, 4 kids in the vehicle. Sweet lil Micah (5) went to be with Jesus. Sarah (9, in Birmingham) and Rebekah (7 in Huntsville) are in very critical condition. Mom and baby girl have been discharged. Sweet Asher and Lilah are being cared for and loved on.

My reaction is irrelevant in this... but I know like everyone... we can't wrap our heads around this and we find ourselves saying "what happened?", "what do we do?". We go to the only place we know to go, God's Word. Our only constant.
He has never failed. No, I don't understand... it's beyond human understanding. A friend said "I have to believe God, I have to... there is nothing else" To believe God is to KNOW His ways are higher than ours and He loves His children. I'm holding on to that!

Romans 8:18
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

Isaiah 41:10
Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.

You can go here to see updates. Please pray with us! So many hurting.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/thebrownfamily2

Recently, I watched a miracle be performed in my Dad's life. Being on the door of death, God chose to heal his body. I KNOW miracles happen. I also know in God's sovereignty it is His will in the end. There just is no human way of understanding. We grab on to His truths and we pray! We humbly pray!

My Mom's home = breathe easy

There is something about my mom's place that just makes me breathe easy. It's not the "house", it's her home... wherever she is. If I could bottle the smell and just open it when I'm stressed, I would. I could go to bath and body and buy one of those flower thingies she uses but... it just wouldn't be the same. My my mom is a minimalist, no clutter, no "stuff", just a home. Warm and cozy. There's always coffee for which I'm VERY grateful but to be honest that is only a slight reason I love going over there. It's 100% better when she is there of course but when she is not, somehow I still feel welcome. She sends me these txts like "is veg soup ok?". Well, heck yeah!!! Our school is walking distance from her house so on Mondays she will make us lunch or we will just raid her fridge ha. My mom loves wind chimes, she has 2 beautiful ones on her back patio. The other day it was so windy and they were singing beautifully!

As I often do when I go to my mom's, I find myself in the bathroom. No, not for the reason you think. I have a love/hate relationship with my mom's close-up mirror. She has good lighting and a magnified mirror and well... I have a slight "issue" with... Ok... let's just bare it all here... I have a unibrow. It's something I lovingly inherited from my dad's side of the family. My uncle, bless him, had one long brow, bushy and beautiful :)

Since I'm not fond of bushy and beautiful I try to keep mine plucked. I was standing in her bathroom and I began to think "WHY do I do this to myself, why do I keep coming back in here, get her tweezers (which are ALWAYS in the same place) and torture myself???" Then... God began to speak to me. Joy, it's not easy when you CHOOSE to draw close and let the Light shine. I've found in my walk with Christ as I begin to draw close to Him and invite him in every area of my life, it hurts sometimes. He lovingly reveals my "unibrow" that needs to be taken care of. What is it that draws me back? Why do I continue to go back to His Word and seek Him? Because, He is making my insides beautiful. He reveals truth. He allows me to see those really long wirey hairs that need to be pulled haha That's a terrible picture but it's true! When I leave my mom's bathroom, I walk with confidence, knowing that for the remainder of the day I am unibrow free. When I draw close to God and let Him "search me and know me" I can walk away confident of this very thing that He who began a good work in me will complete it! Phil 1:6

:)

Once upon a time there was a lady (we'll go with a young lady) who used to go out with friends and have coffee. This lady (YOUNG) would even sometimes have days where there was NOTHING to do and she would sit, and get bored. If you find this lady (she's young... quite young...) please tell her that she's missed BUT... please remind her of this......

How blessed she is to have a job she loves. How blessed she is to have family who love her and help her. How blessed she is to have boys who pitch in and do everything they can to help and love her with a BIG love. How blessed she is to have a husband who works hard, loves hard, prays hard and sacrifices even harder because he loves her with all his heart. She needs to be reminded of these things ever so often because when she stops and thinks of all her friends who she misses well... she gets a little sad. I bet deep down she knows that God is at work and that He has some awesome things in store and she knows that now is NOT the time to give up. So, maybe just tell her to keep going... keep getting up and going to work, keep homeschooling, keep singing, keep cooking, keep being taxi driver because one day....... she'll miss it. I think she might need to be told that getting old is ok too.

And they lived happily ever after (every once upon a time deserves a good happily ever after)

Wrapped in Love

No, I'm not at the beach but this picture represents a bit of how I feel right now :) This morning, I got up a little groggy and COLD! I'm LOVING this fall weather! Thankful for coffee pot timers, I go put my white robe on and stumble to the kitchen and get my coffee. As I'm having my quiet time, it hits me that I've had this robe for 13 yrs now. In 2000 our family was preparing to go to the mission field, to live in Carlisle, England. I spoke at a ladies meeting and gave them our whole "schpeel". I don't remember mentioning it but I guess somewhere in my "schpeel" I mentioned something about getting a thick robe. We lived in Houston at the time and didn't have much need for thick robes but in England I knew it would be needed. The next Sunday a precious elderly lady came up to me and handed me $50. She said "go buy you the robe you want" she had the sweetest hug and told me to know that she was praying for me.

There has been a lot of healing that has happened since we didn't go to England. 9.11 changed all of that for us. We've lived in Florida and in Houston again and I've almost given this robe away. Now, I'm so thankful I didn't. I sit here not only wrapped in warmth but in a reminder that God will take care of me. He has a plan. He cares. His love is wrapped ALL around me!!!! My coffee is a extra good this morning!

Luke 12:27,28 "Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. If then God so clothes the grass, which today is in the field and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will He clothe you, O you of little faith?"

climbing. back. on. the. wagon. each period is for the breathing it takes to get me up there

Since 2006 I've been on the eating healthy wagon. I've fallen off a few times but for the most part have stuck to it. I have felt a little icky lately and knew I needed to do the whole 6 week STRICT healthy eating plan BUT a fun lil shopping spree helped convince me to start like... NOW! Nothing more fun then taking 4 pairs of pants in to the fitting room and then putting all 4 back and your husband going "what is going on???" I'm all "let's just go home and no we are not stopping for ice cream!" ugh
So, the fact that I was down to one pair of jeans that fit me, I've been sick and crabby and now faced with buying a larger size of clothing, sent me in to a whirlwind. What if I gain all my weight back? What if I get as sick as I was before? What if I end up lifeless laying there crying because... well... you get the picture. Needless to say I am a bit stubborn and I am NOT ok with sitting here letting that happen so BAM! Back to strict eating it is. All thanks to a not so fun shopping trip ( I despise shopping anyway so it doesn't take much for it to be "not so fun" ha) I really do like eating healthy! It is fun for me to find different things to eat that are amazingly tasty and really GOOD for me. Here I am, 4 days in to my STRICT eating and I'm a wee bit cranky but better than I was 2 days ago. This morning I wanted something sweet terribly so I started searching. I've baked enough to know what I like and what turns out and I couldn't find anything that fit what I wanted so I used some measurements as a guide and made my own recipe up for... ready... drum roll please DUUDUDUDDUDUDUDUD (how do you spell a drum roll???? bet it's in your head though ;)

Walnut Chocolate Chip Muffins
1 cup brown rice flour
1 cup almond flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp xanthan gum (sweet friend gave me some... it's GOLD in my book)
3 eggs
1 tsp ACV (I thought the boys would die)
1/2 cup honey
1/4 cup almond milk (unsweetened original)
1/4 cup oil (whatever you prefer, I don't recommend coconut oil)
1/2 cup chopped walnuts
1/2 cup dark choc chips

Preheat oven to 325
whisk dry ingredients
whisk wet ingredients
add wet to dry
add walnuts and choc chips
stir until all yummily mixed

Bake 12 to 15 min depending on your oven.

There you have it my friends! There's a ton of variations you could do with this and I plan on trying more. I really like the combo of the almond/brown rice flours. Almond flour is EXPENSIVE but a really good binding flour for gf baking. Brown rice flour is inexpensive but very light and not a good binder so using both is a great mixture. Adding the xanthan gum helps hold it all together.

May all your baking be full of guiltless joy :)

winks from heaven

It's been a mystery to me why I can't seem to put in to words our experience in the D.R. Trust me, I'm still working on it.... I had to share this sweet moment I was blessed to experience today.

We were at the dentist and a mom brought her special needs little girl in. She was probably 2 or 3. She began to get upset and I could see the mom was trying hard to soothe her. She pulls out her cell phone and plays the little girl's "favorite" song. She then played that song over and over. The song... Hunter Hayes "Wanted". When this song came out a while back, I remember looking at my boys in amazement. I've told them for quite a while that it's one thing to feel "needed" but altogether different to feel "wanted". For someone to want you means they don't really need you but they want you anyway. Much like Christ, He WANTS us!!!!! I sat there with tears in my eyes, watching the precious momma who WANTS this precious baby girl! I sat and prayed blessing over them and for God to wrap His arms around her as I listened to "I wanna make you feel wanted.... you're always, wanted" Thank you God, you WANT me!!!!!