It Broke

My spoon broke.

My wooden spoon.

It broke.

Things had been teetering for a while. Trying to balance life on a microscopic sized thread. It wasn't going well. After feeling like so much healing had taken place, God showed me that I still have raw open nasty wounds. Some healing has taken place but I'm still in the process of letting God apply that healing ointment. Sometimes, it stings. 

Today has been like so many others lately. Wake up to coffee beside my bed brought to me by my love, try to pry my eyes open and figure out what day it is and then... 

Nothing

I don't have a life. I haven't had "purpose" in quite some time and it's weighing heavy. It's been 2 years since we moved back from Florida and our life changed in so many ways it made my head spin. It's still spinning. Daily life chores seem to be my only "purpose" right now. I'm blessed to have daily chores so don't go thinking this is one big COMPLAINT. It's not. I've enjoyed the lunches, coffee dates and relationship building but...

My spoon broke.

With the break of THE spoon came a fountain of memories. This has been the "go-to" spoon for well... I've just always had it. Don't even remember where it came from. I grabbed it for something one time and noticed a big notch out of it. Walking in to the living room with it held up I asked the boys "what in the world?"  Micah replied with something about a blender. Nate's typical reply to Micah was usually "why ya gotta be like this?"    So I kept the spoon, it made me smile. Made me remember. Not sure at what point it earned the big scorch mark but again, it added character. I noticed lately, it seemed to be getting old "I feel ya spoon, I feel ya". Then today while stirring some washcloths that were soaking in bleach...

It broke.

All of it. Including the little tiny thread that I've been trying to balance life on, it broke. 

It's done. My mommy life is done. I'm not ready for it to be done. They don't need me any more but I still need them.  I'm still learning how to be a mom, how did 25 years go by and I'm still trying to figure it out? 

Life is a series of changes, seasons. It's the "what now?" that gets me. So here I sit, waiting for direction. Trusting it will eventually come. 

Meanwhile, I have to go buy another spoon.

Surviving Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever

Time has passed me by and even though there have been many things I would love to log and share, I haven't. Why? Clarity of thought, time, fear... they are all correct.  Life has a way of clarifying some things and at the same time, creating muddy water from what once seemed to be clean and healthy water.

When I began to emerge from the "mostly dead" state I had been in for almost 2 weeks, it was very pressing that I log this for those who are seeking information on this disease. The hero in this story is Jeff... don't for one second think otherwise!!!! 

May 29th I woke up with my bed shaking. I was literally shaking to the point I could barely walk to the bathroom. Getting toilet paper was quite the task. I made it back to bed and somehow managed to swallow 2 Tylenol thinking I had come down with something and had a fever.  Forcing myself on my stomach and trying to control the shake I waited for the Tylenol to kick in.  Then, I was still. Eerily still. My back was killing me and I was extremely nauseous... then I felt like I was going to pass out. This always scares me, I've had a few episodes of passing out and I'm not a fan. If anyone is, I have a good counselor for you.  As I was telling Jeff I was going to pass out, I threw up. Not just the "oops I threw up" it was more like old faithful, it just kept coming. If I hadn't been so lethargic I would have been scared. That set the theme for the next 2 weeks. 

Instead of being on the road to Macon, Georgia where we were to meet our good friends for Memorial Day week end, we found ourselves at the walk in clinic. I've been sick a few times in my life. A few hundred maybe. This one was different. Jeff signed me in and I did my best to answer questions. My lower left back was hurting so bad, this was where labor breathing exercises came in handy. 45 year old grandma and I'm in a room hee hee haw haw-ing.  After an examination, I managed to tell the doctor a few "weird" things going on so she ordered lab work and a urine sample.  I had found a tick in my hair about a week ago but I honestly didn't think that was the problem.  They did thorough lab work, COVID-19 test included. After an hour or 2 they found I did have a UTI so thought it could be a kidney infection but sent cultures off for Lyme and Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever(RMSF) "just in case." They gave me a VERY painful antibiotic shot in the same side that was hurting so much, they could have shared the love to the other side but no...  Sent me home with a prescription for amoxicillin. I'm not an antibiotic person but at that point, I really had no choice. I knew I was pretty sick and I was pretty sure amoxicillin wasn't going to help.  The doctor said to come back in 3 days for follow-up if I wasn't any better.  I was NOT any better, I was increasingly worse with every day.  My fever would get to 101 and I would shoot into shock pretty much. Shaking, nausea, everything that comes with fever. The pain was unbearable.  We ended up having to rotate ibuprofen and tylenol every 2 hours just to keep me from having fever episodes. On Monday, spots began to show. They felt like bruises and they were in random places. By Wednesday, we figured they would send us to the ER and we were right.  We made our way to Crestwood Emergency room. They did another lab set complete with COVID-19 test and Lyme culture.  At that point they actually were suspecting Lyme or RMSF but the cultures from Urgent Care had not come back because not only did we catch them on the week end, it was Memorial Day as well.  We left the ER with another antibiotic prescription and no answers.  This is where I need to back the memory train up a bit...

When I was a teen, one of the 2 doctors I went to in my life was a dermatologist for my extreme acne. They had prescribed Tetracycline. When I went back a couple of weeks later, I mentioned to the doctor that I had been having trouble swallowing and I thought maybe I was coming down with a cold or something.  He told me I was having an allergic reaction and that I should stay away from all pharmaceutical drugs "cycline."  So for well over 30 years now, I've told every doctor (trust me that's a LOT of peeps!) that I'm allergic to Tetracycline. 

Back to current story... Doxycycline happens to be the only drug that kills RMSF or to be more scientifically specific - rickettsia group bacteria.  But when I had on my file "allergic to Tetracycline". They wouldn't give it to me without a positive culture but the culture had to be sent to Egypt so we didn't have it.  

Sick. I was so sick, it was survival mode. I couldn't walk by myself, couldn't bathe myself, brush my own teeth. There was no sleep, barely eating... and then Friday, almost a week after first onset, I woke up and could barely talk, by that point I was covered in 3 different types of spots. I was so exhausted, I just looked at Jeffrey and he knew we had to go back to the ER. How he managed to get me from point A to point B is beyond me. I remember wheelchairs and eyes opening occasionally... it's blurry but there.  Once again, the ER gave me a shot, another prescription and sent me home and there was nothing they could do until we see the infectious disease doctor, which wasn't until Wednesday.  I had a fleeting moment in the ER with tears rolling down my cheeks thinking "I won't be alive by Wednesday to see the infectious disease doctor."  Here's where I need to wax sappy and a little bit spiritual. I caught a glimpse of my blue eyed Peruvian and thought "he's fought so hard for me."  In my head I had been quoting Psalm 23 "He restoreth my soul."  Somehow a fight welled up in me. This may sound over dramatic but rest assured... there's no over exaggerating here.  When we got home, I knew it was survival, get to Wednesday.  Up until that point I was stressing over taking to much OTC meds, asking Jeff to do EVERYTHING... the kids... etc.  When we got home from the ER on Friday, my brain kicked into survival mode. I made a list of anti inflammatory foods and supplements for Jeffrey to go get. What little I knew about Lyme and RMSF was inflammation from the bacteria was a big play in the pain. We started keeping a list of meds. At night I set my alarm to take med every 2 hours to keep from going into a fever fit.  It was battle time! I mean, I couldn't stand up by myself but my brain was still working... kind of.  

Monday my fever wasn't spiking to 101 any more. It was staying at 99 which is still high for me, my norm is 96.  Miraculously, we made it to Wednesday! Jeff's work had allowed him to work from home which was a HUGE blessing!!!  My appointment was at 8:45. This non-morning person didn't even care. I just needed relief. The Dr. came in and was very thoughtful and thorough but assessed fairly quickly that it was RMSF. At that point we had received the first culture back and it was negative.  She said that was common and she was not diagnosing on the test, I had every other clinical symptom. We discussed the danger of me taking Doxycyline and she strongly believed that what I had as a teen was an adverse affect to Tetracycline and that it was very much worth taking the Doxycycline under observation. It was the only med choice we had. I was admittedly nervous but the desperation of relief outweighed any fear of allergic reaction.  Jeff went and picked up the doxycyline and I waited there at the clinic. I took the first dose and waited...

We walked (he walked I shuffled) out of there an hour later with hope that this thing might be on it's way out.  They ordered another RMSF culture, just to check so we went to the lab to have that drawn. I'm so thankful for wheelchairs!!!!  

Thursday, I had 2 doses in me and by the afternoon I was able to walk a bit by myself. Thursday night I actually vacuumed. I didn't feel "human" until Sunday.  It had began reversing, with the disease, every day I woke up worse. Once I started taking the antibiotic, every day I woke up a little better!!!  I did all that I could do to keep the side effects from the antibiotic at a minimum but I was SO willing to put up with some side effects if it meant getting this disease out of my system.  

Monday, June 14th. I was sitting here with a very thankful attitude!!!!! Overwhelmingly grateful to be on the other side of this! My phone rang and the caller ID showed it was the health department. She says "we are in connection with the CDC." At that point, I assumed my culture had come back positive and I was even MORE grateful.  RMSF is best if caught early and treated.  For it to go almost 2 weeks could have been so much worse. Many things went into play for this to be diagnosed and for me to be able to take the medicine that killed the bacteria.  

On this side of it looking back... we both wish they would have admitted me when I went to the ER which would have forced an infectious doctor to take a look at me.  Other than that, I'm just grateful!!!  

One of my favorite quotes "you've been mostly dead all day" turned into "you've been mostly dead for two weeks."

Overall  what did we learn? 
Just stay inside - the end.
Ha partially joking :)  
* At first thought of Lyme OR RMSF - TAKE DOXYCYCLINE!!!!!
You can build your system back after you've killed the bacteria! There is a time for antibiotics and this is one of them! 
* Eat AIP (Autoimmune Protocol) It's a challenge but I definitely feel like this is what kept me from dying! 
* Don't be allergic to Doxycycline :) 

I want to document this for a couple of reasons, my memory is horrible and also for those who have RMSF and are looking for information.  There was not a ton of helpful info of what to do. Just scary stuff saying "you're gonna die".  From what I understand the "spots" on each person can look different so I'm posting MY spots as a reference.

Delayed story telling!!!

As I was visiting with a friend this morning, I was sharing this story that happened back in June. It hit me that I never published it. I had written it out as not to forget the details and I'm so glad I did because today when I was retelling the story, I couldn't remember her name OR where she was from. Age, it's a real thing! LOL 

I can't begin to tell you I understand all the unfoldings of this last year but this little memory warms my heart!!!!!  We continue the processing... one day (sometimes minute) at a time. 

*****************************************************************************

Have you ever headed to accomplish a task and then with one single interaction you realize... it's not about your task? 

For the past 5 months I've missed photography. It had just become part of me, I love everything about freezing time! So you can imagine my excitement when a young man (just happens to be the age of my oldest man-child) approached me and said "I heard you were a photographer, would you take some pictures of me proposing to my girlfriend?"  Say wha???  Well, of course I will young man... just let me finish this box of tissues here and I'll get right on that. With my son just getting married and being away from them this was just about too much for this mama heart. All in a good way of course! I'm ecstatic but nervous! As much as I love taking pictures, I've never photographed a proposal EEeeekkk!  True to form, I start overthinking EVERYTHING - ALL. THE. THINGS.  Because, that's what I do, I truly don't have a reason :)  

My ever loving husband (25 yrs this month YAY!) went with me to the park so I could see if the lens I have will work for this particular setting.  Beautiful park!!! We find the area he was talking about so we start discussing options. I had Jeff walk to the other side and sit on the bench so I could see if it was too far.  I see a bush with a bench close to it in the distance so I take a few shots and start walking down the sidewalk. I see an elderly lady sitting peacefully, thoughtfully looking out at the fountain in the pond. I get close and politely say "excuse me for  getting in the way, I'm just going to take a shot real quick to see if it will work". 

She says "oh, no problem! I'm a artist, can I see the shot?"  

As I explained what I was doing and was showing her the shot, she said "oh, that's so sweet!"  

At that point I motioned to Jeff to come on around. 

I said "that's my husband, we've been married 25 yrs this month" (can you tell I'm proud of that haha)

With a sweet expression she says "oh that's precious, are things still going well?!" 

Taking that question in, I said "ya know, they really are!!! I'm blessed and can't complain"

She very emphatically says "God has to be center"

Taken back just a little I said "yes ma'am, I can honestly say there's no way without Him!"

She then asked if we went to a specific church here. What was so interesting was, we visited this church and REALLY liked it! We've been praying about a church... well, just praying about life in general to be honest but church has been up there on the list! 

About that time Jeff reached us and I introduced him to my new friend who up until that point was nameless to me.  She introduced herself as Lilly! Sweet 87 yr old Lilly! I sat down in the middle of the bench facing her as much as I could. I felt Jeff sit behind me at the end of the bench. He knows me well <3 To give every detail of this conversation would be simply impossible. It truly went EVERYWHERE! Sweet Lilly is from Austria but has been here in our beautiful country longer than we have :)  She married in Austria at 18 and her husband sent her to the states and he followed in early 50s.  From our conversation we found out she was a poet and an artist. She had a gallery in Manhattan but has lived here for 23 yrs. She lovingly said "I've lived here a complete life time"

I said "yes ma'am, that's how old this young man is who is getting engaged"

We shared stories with each other.

We soaked in the wisdom.

We saw God.

I asked "so did you get saved at a young age?"

She replied with LOVE in her eyes "oh no, I was about 30"

She continued to share every detail of coming to Christ and with tears in her eyes she said "I felt God's overwhelming love. You can't beat it. Man tries but they just can't"

I believed her.

As we stood to leave she said "there comes my Hungarian, he's number 2" LOL

She had told us earlier that her first husband who ended up being a minister, passed away. Apparently he just couldn't keep up with her. Wish I could have photographed the twinkle in her eye!

She grabbed my hand with both of hers and prayed. Not a frilly prayer, a prayer full of the Holy Spirit's guiding. A prayer that touched not only my heart but undoubtedly the heart of God! 

We talked with the "Hungarian" for a few minutes and then we said our goodbyes. I reached down and gave her a hug and expressed to her how much of an encouragement she had been to my heart. She held on to me and prayed... again... I didn't want to leave.  

We did.

In silence we walked hand in hand, each knowing we experienced a special God appointment. It was quite a bit before either of us broke the silence and of course it was me who said the first word through a few tears. 

Did God speak specifics, well no. 

Did he encourage our hearts, um... that'd be a yes!

We held hands pretty much the rest of the evening. We've had a few of those experiences in our 25 years of marriage. What does it mean?  

Well, I haven't the foggiest idear other than... keep listening. He's there! 

One day at a time!

Meet my friend Lilly! <3 

Take a step... the fog is clearing!!!

Don't you hate driving through thick fog???  It gives me more anxiety than fingernails on a chalkboard, and that is saying A TON!!!  We lived on a "mountain" here in the Huntsville area for about 6 years. It was terribly foggy because the Tennessee river was just at the foot of the large hill :)  (to be honest, I don't know for a fact that is the reason it was foggy... could have just been the elevation, I'm just assuming...)  I digress...  man, that ADD is a booger LOL

And... we're back on track... 

Even having driven that SAME road a thousand times, knowing EVERY road mark and every turn... I would get so nervous to drive in the fog. Why? Because the fog hides things, mainly CARS :)  When you can't see in front of you, you have no idea if there is a car there and how fast it is or isn't going.  It feels like you are driving a lethal weapon with a blindfold tied tightly around your eyes! I'm not a fan!

On the other hand, I LOVE looking at the fog!!! It's beautiful and mysterious IF I'm sitting still, staring at it from the comfort of my home! God designed the most gorgeous foggy day for my son's wedding and it was breathtakingly beautiful - while we were looking at it. Being still... not driving!!!

This morning I got up and my sweet coffee-bringing husband softly says "it's foggy out". It immediately made my head spin. Feeling as though the weather had caught up with me. Somehow I feel like I've been "driving" in the fog for quite a while. Just moving forward blindly! Praying for whatever is in my way because... I can't see a darn thing!!!  As I sip on my coffee and try to wipe the sleep from my eyes, God began to speak to my soul "trust me, I can see!".

Yes God, I KNOW this, I've reassured many people of this MANY times, but I don't FEEL this truth!  Here's where faith takes over. Faith has to drive. Corrie ten Boom said, "Faith is the radar that shines through the fog".

Faith over Feeling

This journey once again looks nothing like we thought it would. We find ourselves in unknown territory, driving through the fog.  I know we're not alone...

Ok my friends, we can do this!!!  Let faith take over, take that next step because...

The.
Fog.
Will.
Clear.

But for now, just for this moment, maybe God wants you to sit and breathe. Take a minute and let the fog lift.
If it doesn't then go ahead and step forward, slowly :)

September??? Yes, Merry Christmas!!!

Welcome to the August... eeerrrr... September edition of inquiring minds want to know!!! :)

It's been a while since we've had an update, not because there hasn't been anything to update. More like, there's been more to update than my brain could process so it comes out like ghiaopefwnaoife and well... that doesn't do anyone any good. It was kind of fun to type out though haha

Ok... the meat!

We're back in Huntsville!!!

And all God's chill'ns say "WHAT HAPPENED?"

Nothing, and everything! Each of you have everyday lives with all the dynamics. You understand the complexity of everyday life. You've probably even been on a missions trip. When you get back, what is the ONE question everyone asks? "How was your trip?" Um... sure yeah, lemme sum up one week of amazing/hard/overwhelming/incredible/questioning/tiring/holy spirit-filled week in 2 seconds. So you just reply with "good". :)  I'm really not trying to be as cynical as I sound. Well, ok, maybe I am. As much as we would love to go over every detail that not only led us to Florida and now leads us back. We can't, it's a process. It's not ONE thing! We knew we were to go and we knew we were to come back! Other than that... we don't know much.
One thing we DO KNOW and it NEVER changes!!!!
God.
Is.
Faithful.

We were very blessed to spend this year with ITEC! We appreciate their work! We hated to leave, they hated to see us leave... that being said, we love them! God has great things in store!!!

We appreciate your prayers and thoughts!!! We are more than open for conversation but the truth is, you may not get a ton of answers :)

Much love and hugs!!!!!
Team Thomas

February Update

Yes, I realize it's March (I think it's March...) but to be honest... I'm really not sure what happened to January and February. I would give you a detailed update of the last 2 months but I'm having a hard time remembering. Something about a new house, new job, new friends, leaving our kids, meeting lots of people, a son getting married, sickness, a niece getting married... it's all running together really. Oh... and a snake thrown in for good measure. All of that to say, life has been life-ing at warp speed no less! We are blessed to be here in Ocala and getting to be a part of the work here at ITEC! We do know that eventually, it will feel like home, but right now... we aren't sure where home is :)

Interesting thought right?! We're guilty of saying "it just doesn't feel like home". Well, does it HAVE to? I'll leave you with that question because... I'm struggling with that one!

A transition is challenging. It's never easy but one doesn't really know how hard it will be until that first step is taken. Lemme tell ya, watch out for that first step, cuz... it's a doozy :)

Then why do it? Well... because He's worth it! He is worth all of the change and heart ripping, He has saved us and given us new life... HE. IS. WORTH. IT. We don't consider ourselves sacrificing anything, we are following a calling. We are living a "cushioned" life if you want to play the comparison game (I don't recommend it though, you can never win).

We've seen God's hand and we are forever grateful!!! He is allowing us to serve Him in this full-time ministry and we don't take that for granted!!! We are still praying for full support. Right now we are at 50%. If you would like to help in that capacity, please go here:

https://give.cornerstone.cc/ITEC

A little tip for the site - where it says “designation”, select “other designation”

In the memo field enter “Jeff and Joy Thomas”

The opportunity has come for me to be involved in a Trauma counseling program. Our Physician here at ITEC has been working on finalizing a curriculum to use Trauma counseling with the indigenous people groups that we work with across the globe. I'm very excited and nervous about this opportunity! I'm headed to training... oh, in about 2 hours haha Please pray that my heart and mind are clear to receive the knowledge God would have me take in at this time!

We are ever so grateful for your prayers and support!!!

God is faithful!!!!

You're Gonna Miss This

Music speaks to my heart, that's no secret! I would rather listen to music than watch a movie or tv ANY day!!! This morning I've been cleaning up around the house and continuing to get "settled" in this new Florida environment.  I've heard this song "You're Gonna Miss This" by Trace Atkins a thousand times and I've loved it EVERY TIME!!!  Even the tears that come with it, it's the emotion music brings!!! This morning, I heard a new version sung by Point of Grace. There was something about a female voice singing these words that are so very true!!!!  Of course I began to think of my own journey of getting married, having babies, the adventures of being a family....

But then I stopped and I felt God speaking to me ever so sweetly through the tears rolling down my cheeks...

"Joy, you're gonna miss THIS!!!!  This moment in time is the one you should cherish!" Do I miss my babies? Yes, of course, but am I amazingly THRILLED with the men they have become and the life they are leading! Absolutely!!!!! I know I will miss these moments of "new adventures", feeling my way through relationships and situations where I feel like I'm drowning. Yes! I will miss THIS!  Because every day God gives new opportunities and we can soak them up and enjoy them OR we can live in the "man, I miss those days". Don't get me wrong, memories are precious and they are what make our life story but I really sense God telling me to not forget NOW! 

Years ago we had a "Grandma", she was 91. She asked how old my mom was and I believe my mom was 58 at the time. Grandma Jo said with GREAT expression "OH, that was the PRIME of my life!!!!"  Wow! perspective! 

I've been challenged! I don't wanna sulk and mope about missing my babies and stinky boys. I want to remember and smile!  I want to see TODAY and each TODAY forward as the "best days"!!!